Where We Are

We are in tropical Africa, not dry savannah. The only thing is, there's no more forest. Every leaf belongs to somebody since they've divided every square inch into small plots of land that has a mud house, an outhouse and a 25 x 60' garden to grow cabbage, maize, tomatoes, coffee, carrots, beans, etc... They may also have a banana, mango or avocado tree or two as well as a stall for a cow or goat or a chicken pen. It actually looks a lot like Machu Pichu in Peru.

We live in a mountainous area. We are 5-6000' above sea level on Mount Elgon so the nights actually can get something similar to cold. When the sun is out, it ain't nuthin' but hot. When I say every inch is cultivated, that includes right to the top of the mountains. There are people - lots of people - that walk the hour or two to go down and then back up to their homes to go to work, , school, to get groceries, medications and 40 lb Jerry cans of water. The view is nice, but... prime real estate ($4000 an acre) is on the busy dirt road (The ones on which the cars and trucks whiz by at 100 km/hr) near a water bore hole.

The huts are actually made of cow dung. This is to keep away the bugs that cause jiggers which is a bug that gets into your feet and has to be picked out with a pin. I don't wear sandals.

A lot of the houses in the valleys are made of a soft brick. Our house is made of this brick and we have glass windows with grates on them and thick metal doors since, as kind as most people are, theft is a big problem. All the brick houses have tight security. If you leave your shoes outside to dry off, they won't be there in the morning.

Our house has no electricity or running water but we collect water off the roof when it rains which reduces the need to go to the bore hole too much. No electricity means that our schedule is organized in cooperation with the natural order of things. When the sun comes up and the rooster crows... and crows... and crows again starting at 4:30 am or so, it's time to get up. When the sun goes down, all the things you need better be laid out where you can easily find them and it's time to go to bed. Candles and oil lanterns buy an extra hour or two after 7 pm.

On the other hand, no running water means that you must fight against the natural order of things with all the intestinal fortitude that can be mustered together. In the tour of the house our introduction to the latrine was a knock on the door with the all-to-brief explanation: “This is the latrine”. I am a Canadian. I am well acquainted with outhouses. No problem. When my first little signal came, I discreetly made my way past the door. When I looked inside, things were not as they should be. I quickly exited and scurried to my wife in our bedroom to seek clarification. Surely I had not been listening and some mistake had been made. The desecration that I had entered was an unfinished project for the livestock or something so where, pray tell, was I to do my thing? Diana seemed to find considerable humour in my (very) sincere question but assured me that I was, in fact, in the right place.

On moral grounds, I feel restrained in describing this abomination to you in too much detail. Let us just say that one does not bring any reading material in. If you're thinking outhouse, you need to go several notches down. You must take away any design or structure that might assist you in not falling into a situation that one cannot discuss in the civilized world. As you may suspect, I have not yet mastered the mechanical procedures of this process. All I know is that I have developed a new theory about why African originated people are reputed to have the calf muscles that allow them to jump an run so well...

On the positive side, the issue of no running water has been a stimulating experience physically (as alluded to above) but also intellectually and spiritually. I have been devising new theories based on some of my economic studies. If you plot need on the x axis and pride on the y access you can create curves similar to demand and supply. My goal is to find a way to extend the point at which the human degradation curve intersects with the human necessity curve. I think I might just write a book....

On the spiritual level, I have been scouring the scriptures for the verse (or two) that will clearly show that this latrine is ..of the devil. I know that they are there somewhere. They have to be. So far, I have found some support in Psalms: “Jehovah answer thee in the day of trouble; The name of the God of Jacob set thee up on high”. I think this scripture clearly shows that it is God's will that we should be set up on high and that this squatting down business is just plain unchristian. I think I might just start a new church...